


Buried

by meanderingsoul



Category: The Expanse (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dissociation, Gen, Introspection, Male Friendship, Past Abuse, Platonic Cuddling, Roci Family, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, Temporary Blindness, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:19:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22060183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meanderingsoul/pseuds/meanderingsoul
Summary: Amos remembered different stuff buried down in the dark.
Relationships: Amos Burton & Jim Holden
Comments: 8
Kudos: 110





	Buried

Holden was kinda touchy.

Amos had never given that much thought before, just what the Captain was like. But now that he did think about it, it wasn't in the same way Alex was touchy, scared of screwing it up, or the way Naomi was, cause she understood how it was for hands not to give a shit how they touched you.

Holden just didn't seen to have a hard time getting it right when he touched people, wasn't bothered by doing it. Not everyone had pasts with hands. He knew that. 

Amos remembered different stuff buried down in the dark. He needed to stay alert, needed to notice everything.

They were taking turns sleeping, trading off with the mat on top of a pile of crates. He was pretty sure they were really just trading off laying down somewhere warm every once and a while. Amos couldn't tell if he'd slept like this, but Holden came and went, back and forth between camps.

He forgot where he was a lot. When.

Sometimes he could hear Holden's voice in the camp. Sometimes they talked, but Amos didn't always remember about what. When it was time to drink there were usually hands on his hands. They couldn't afford to waste a drop. 

Amos remembered Holden sitting down next to him at some point, night or day or decades ago, and just... leaning. He set his head on his thigh. A guys' head on his thigh usually meant the same things. He'd kicked somebody or he and somebody were fucking or somebody thought they were gonna buy something.

Holden just wanted to set his head there apparently.

Holden had curly hair. Alex and Naomi did too. He'd seen Naomi playin with it, seen Alex ruffle it a few times when Holden was half asleep at breakfast and basically defenseless.

Amos blinked. Couldn't see anything but dim green. He wasn't sure whether he should put his hand on Holden's head or not. 

He thought he blinked again and Holden had already gone, had probably said something, but Amos hadn't heard it. He couldn't remember if his eyes were open or closed.

He woke up on the ground when he heard Cap's voice. Throat hurt like there'd been screaming.

Holden was kinda touchy. Hands squeezed his shoulders, patted on his chest. Alex did that sometimes too. It was friendly. It usually felt friendly, these days. The Rocinante. Right now it didn't feel like much at all. 

He was sitting down on something when Amos felt the hand on his face.

That finally sunk in, felt like it was happening now. Damp glove and long fingers. Everyone on the Roci had longer fingers than he did.

"I can't lose you."

Amos could feel Holden's hand right there, feel his own eyelids, feel his face enough to blink even though he couldn't see it.

He heard the little huff when the Cap smiled. A finger rasped back and forth across his short hair. 

Amos had kept it short a long time now. It didn't curl.

He didn't quite lose track again, not like he'd been. Amos heard Holden say it when he was gonna leave, heard all the belters that were left shuffling around, heard himself talking to Wei. 

Now all their vision would be back soon. 

Holden sat down next to him again and set his head down against his leg. Amos could feel those muscle twitches people got when the body was exhausted. 

This time he put his hand down, carefully buried his fingers in Holden's hair, tried to rumple it a bit.

It didn't work. Holden's hair was stiff, a bit slick from grime and dirty water. None of the loose curls he'd seen sometimes on the Roci moved.

"Damn, you need a shower boss."

There was a gap before Holden kind of giggled. "I'll let the slugs know they gotta share the water." His voice was hoarse.

This wasn't exactly how he'd thought this would go, didn't really feel like he thought it might. That was fine. That still happened to him a lot.

Amos left his hand there anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic for The Expanse (of which I've watched s4 twice this month). My final work of the decade and my 75th work on the archive! I thought the One Eyed Man was one of their overall best episode on so many levels. I hope you enjoyed the extra little scene. (And if there's a better team feels type tag to use for the Roci fam please let me know!)


End file.
